so that wasnt chicken after all
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
