oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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