update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
