I'm lost and stupid without you.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
