I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
