I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
