Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You took a bar mat shot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
