dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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