I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
