ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
