how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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