I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
