P.S. I can't hear my feet
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
