even my farts smell like vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
