I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
