afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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