i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
