So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
