We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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