Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
