I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
