if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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