I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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