but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
