She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
