don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
