Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
