I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
