totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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