what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost the right to judge tonight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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