I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
