My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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