He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
