look no pants
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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