Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
