Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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