nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dear god my vagina.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
