i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
