he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
