He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
