Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
