but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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