Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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