Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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