just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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