K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
