Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
