Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
