the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
