It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
