No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
