Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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