Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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