Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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