i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
