First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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