i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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