I could make wine with my vomit
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
