i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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